A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. 

When he finally gets himself to the doctor, he says, "How bad is it doc?  I'm getting married next week, and my fiancee is still a virgin in every way."
    
The doc said, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay by next week."   So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art.
    
The guy mentions none of this to his girl.
    
They get married and on the honeymoon night in their hotel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts.
    
This was the first time he saw them, believe it or not.  She says, "You'll be the first; no one has ever touched these breasts."
    
He whips down his pants and says, "Look at this.  It's still in the CRATE!"

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